When You Label It
by fananicfan
Summary: This story is H/M, but it starts with a the date we saw briefly in Four Percent Solution between Harm and Alicia so give it a chance. I know keep working on my summary skills.


When You Label It

Author: fananicfan

This is a one shot story that was my first attempt at writing a story based on a quote from the show. This was the result of that challenge.

I don't own the characters in this story, but I'd like to thank DPB for creating them for us.

AN #1: The time line for the episodes with Alicia is too hard for me to figure out and too time consuming for a one shot story to try to figure it out so, for the purpose of this story, Harm has finished the case with Alicia. After her comments at the end of Retrial, he waited until Mattie was going to be gone to call and ask her to dinner at his place, the date we saw in Four Percent Solution. This story starts at Harm's apartment the night of his 'interrupted' dinner with Alicia. If you haven't seen FPS, you may not want to read this one because there is a space where you need to fill in the scene where Mac is at Harm's apartment.

**When You Label It**

Harm was thrilled to have the company of another adult. He loved Mattie, but there was just something about a conversation between two adults that just wasn't possible with Mattie.

The conversation between he and Alicia flowed from the heaviness of the case that they'd wrapped up a few days ago to meaningless filler topics about what kind of movies they enjoyed while they were waiting for dinner to finish cooking. The light mood in the room made Harm realize that he missed dating.

Alicia sat at the breakfast bar, watching Harm check on dinner. Harm set the timer and turned to look at Alicia.

"Five more minutes to brown the top, and dinner will be ready."

"It smells wonderful. A man who's not only attractive and intelligent, but can cook is a hot commodity in my circle. It surprises me that you're not married."

"I don't spend time in your circles."

Alicia lifted her wine glass. "Then here's to you spending a little more time in my circle…with me."

They clinked glasses and stared at each other while they tipped their glasses up to sip the red wine contents.

Alicia lowered her glass and offered a warm and suggestive smile.

Yes, he'd missed the dance of dating: the flirtatious smiles, the suggestive innuendos and the company. That's what his life had been missing… companionship. He hadn't missed it when he hadn't been dating before because he'd had Mac. He might have been alone, as in not in a relationship, but he hadn't ever been lonely with Mac in his life...but now, with Mattie spending more and more time with her dad and Mac keeping him at a distance, he was a lonely man. Alicia's smile made him remember that he was a man – a man who didn't deserve to be lonely. The awkwardness of asking a woman out, he could live without. Actually, it wasn't that part. It was the possibility of rejection that he found nerve racking, but Alicia had made her interest in him clear, so that had taken away the 'rejection factor.'

A knock on his door pulled him from his thoughts. "I told you that dinner smelled good. It's bringing them in to investigate," Alicia said coyly.

Harm offered a genuine smile, but wondered who it could be. If Mattie had come back early, she wouldn't knock.

Harm opened the door. It was Mac. As he looked at her, something gripped his heart. People date to find someone to love, someone to have children with, to spend the rest of their life with, and now he was face-to-face with the reason why he hadn't been dating. He knew with whom he wanted those things. No more dating had been required to figure it out.

The confidence of being a man faded quickly in Mac's presence. He didn't feel like a man who didn't deserve to be lonely at the moment. He felt like a heel. He knew who he wanted, and he wasn't on a date with her, but she was here, and he was cooking dinner for someone else.

This is were you need to visualize the scene that we saw in 'Four Percent Solution

AFTER MAC LEAVES

Harm served dinner, but he was having trouble keeping in 'date mode' now that Mac had come by. His thoughts were roaming, and it was hard for him to keep up with the conversation that Alicia was trying to hold with him.

Harm decided that looking at Alicia would help him focus on her, and he'd get through this date and then rethink his desire to date again later tonight. Oh god, tonight. He hoped that Alicia hadn't brought a toothbrush, because she wasn't staying. He could explain to Mac that he'd been on a date, but after her comment about her belief that Alicia wasn't the 'fling' type, Mac would think that he was in a relationship and not on a simple date. No, no, no, he wasn't going to sleep with Alicia.

Harm scooped up a bite of the meal and shoved it into his mouth. He chewed slowing, focusing on Alicia. She was an attractive and intelligent woman, but she wasn't Mac.

"You're not very good at relationships, are you?"

He almost choked on his food. "Why do you say that?"

"Because you don't even seem to know that you're in one with her." She pointed towards the door, knowing that he'd understand who the 'her' was to whom she was referring in her statement.

"Mac and I aren't in a relationship."

"Maybe you're not dating, but, from the barely-knowing-each-other working relationship to the knowing-each-other-very-well-under-the-bonds-of-matrimony relationship, lies many other different types of relationships." She paused. "I think you're a handsome and intelligent man with whom I'd like to move past a working relationship, but I saw the look that the two of you exchanged at the door. She's more than a coworker."

"We've known each other for years. We're friends."

"I think there's more." Alicia looked puzzled and then her face showed the signs that she'd pieced it together. "The two of you have never taken the time to talk about it, have you?"

What could he say? That one of them had broached the subject at various times, but it had always been the wrong time for the other? He wasn't bringing Mac into his date with Alicia. He wasn't making the mistake of talking about Mac with another female who'd entered his life. That had been a mistake that he'd made in his relationship with Renee, so Harm remained silent.

Alicia realized that Harm wasn't going to respond to her. She decided that she had to end this evening before she invested too much time in trying to move what had been a good working relationship into something more with this date.

"No woman stands a chance of being the woman in your life until you define what kind of relationship you have with her. When you've labeled it, if she's nothing more to you than a colleague or friend, if you're not involved in any other way with her, let me know." Alicia rose from her chair. She stopped and patted his arm before moving slowly towards the door. If she was wrong, she wanted him to have time to stop her from leaving.

Harm didn't move. Alicia's words bounced around inside his head. What label could he put on his relationship with Mac? What was their relationship now? Harm checked his watch. It wasn't really late, but it was later than would be polite to show up at Mac's door without an invitation. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear the door click behind Alicia. He'd have to talk to Mac tomorrow. He'd find out what she'd wanted to talk about, and then he'd find a way to ask her how she'd label their relationship.

NEXT DAY

The acting JAG, Sturgis Turner, hadn't wanted Harm to take the Wainright case, so when Harm had pushed to take the case anyway, Sturgis had made sure that the case was "extra," meaning that Harm had a full load without the Wainright case. Even though that case had been resolved, Harm was in court this morning on another matter.

Harm got out of court and found that Mac had left early. This isn't how he'd wanted today to go. He should have tried to see her before court this morning, but he didn't want to have to rush off to court if she needed to talk. He didn't think that anything that she might want to talk about was suitable for the office either, so he'd waited to seek her out so that he could invite her to come over this evening. He needed to talk to her as much, if not more, than she needed to talk to him now. He wasn't ever going to be able to move on with or without Mac if he couldn't decide what kind of relationship he had with her.

As he drove to his apartment, regret was the first emotion that seeped into his open thoughts. He should've made arrangements to see Mac this evening before he'd gone into court. He shouldn't have asked Alicia over to dinner without being certain that there was nothing more than the bonds of a once very close friendship remaining with Mac, a friendship that had been stretched to its limits, although it had been returning to its former shape, albeit slower than he'd like.

The words of the old classic rock song on the radio pulled him from his list of regrets. 'If you can't love the one you want, love the one you're with.'

He snorted at the words coming from the radio. And then, an uncomfortable feeling came over him. If Mac labeled their relationship at a different level than he did, that's what he'd have to do. It might be with Alicia or someone else, but he'd have to settle on having companionship that was currently missing from his life instead of the loving relationship that he wanted with Mac.

He reached over and changed the radio station. He wasn't going to think about settling until he was sure that he had no other choice in the matter. He needed to talk to Mac, and the sooner the better.

By the time he arrived at his apartment, he'd come to the conclusion that he couldn't put a label on 'this thing between them' without input from her. He needed to see her. They needed to talk. It didn't need to be an 'us' talk, but he needed information. He needed to know if it was time to love the one who wanted him or continue to believe that there was a reason to wait for the one he wanted.

At his apartment, he changed into jeans and a cotton tee shirt that said Liberty Bonds on the front. He knew that it was going to be uncomfortable, difficult even, to get Mac to talk about what he wanted to discuss, so he'd decided that there was no reason why he couldn't be dressed comfortably for it.

He'd gotten to his car before he realized that he was making this trip about himself. She'd come to his place last night to talk. He needed to have that conversation with her, too. It was going to be a long night. He'd better go prepared.

He returned to his apartment and got a clean uniform, his shaving kit from his sea bag and his briefcase. He returned to his car with everything that he needed to be on time for work in the morning. He was prepared. They'd talk all night if necessary.

Harm paused at Mac's apartment door. His wall of determination was starting to crack under the weight of "what ifs" that he'd come up with on the way over here. He took in a deep breath. He needed to do this. He didn't want to come across like it was now or never, but damn it, he was a man who didn't deserve to be alone and lonely. He needed to label his relationship with Mac. More over, he decided that he needed to know if there was hope. She had come to talk to him, after all, and that was progress from where they'd been of late.

He took in a deep breath and knocked on Mac's door. He knocked once and waited, then knocked a second time. She'd left the office early for some reason. Maybe she hadn't gotten home from wherever she'd had to go this afternoon.

His heart sank into his stomach. She hadn't gone to have another procedure without telling him, had she? Oh god, she'd come by last night to talk about some procedure that she was having this afternoon...or to ask him to go with her like he said he would when he'd found out that she'd had the last one.

Damn! Why had he asked Alicia over? If Alicia hadn't been at his apartment last night, Mac would've been able to talk to him. He might know what type of relationship he and Mac had if he'd been in a position to talk to her last night.

He knocked firmer the third time, hoping that she just hadn't heard him knock the first two times.

Resigned to the fact that she wasn't home, he turned to leave, only to see Mac coming towards him.

"Hey," she said, obviously surprised by his presence.

"Hey, you left work early so I didn't get a chance to talk to you today. I thought I'd come by while I was out to see if you had time to talk tonight."

Mac was closer to him now, and he saw the redness of her eyes, a sign that she'd been crying recently.

"I had an appointment late this afternoon and then I made a couple of stops." She didn't want to explain her visit with Dr. McCool, so she lifted her arm to show him the bag containing Chinese food, resting against her briefcase. "I wasn't planning on entertaining, so I didn't buy a lot, but I'll share if you want to come in."

She slid her key into the lock and opened her apartment door, wondering if it was his casual tone and comfortable attire or her visit with Dr. McCool that made her feel at ease with seeing him after last night. Last night, oh god, he was just checking on her after last night. He'd said that he'd stopped by to see if I had time to talk while he was out. He has plans. All of a sudden, she felt sick to her stomach.

She pushed open her door and entered her apartment. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She'd offered to share her dinner with him. How stupid could she be?

She walked over to her dining table and put her things down. She should let him know that she understood that he couldn't stay. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking when I asked you to share my dinner. You're in civvies. You must be on your way to meet your date. Is it Alicia again tonight or someone new this evening?" Why had she said that last part? It wasn't any of her business.

In that moment, she had another moment of clarity. The news from her doctor about a four percent chance wasn't the only thing that had driven her to Dr. McCool's office this evening. She'd gone to Harm's last night, hoping that he could take away her pain. She wanted him to pull her into his arms and hold her close. She'd been in his arms only a few times, but wrapped in his embrace, even if only for a few moments for a congratulatory hug, she'd felt safe. For all the trouble that Paraguay had brought into her life, she'd been able to sleep when in the same bed as Harm. She knew that, even as angry with her as he might be, he'd protect her. A part of her had wanted him to offer a part of his bed to her last night, allowing her to sleep in peace, if only for a few hours. Yes, knowing that being held in his arms or spending a few hours resting in a bed next to him was out of reach had been one of the reasons that had led her to ask Dr. McCool for sleeping pills.

In her moment of reflection, Harm had closed the door and moved close to her, closer than Mac would've liked at the moment.

"I don't have a date tonight. I came by so we could talk."

"I didn't want to talk about anything in particular, so you didn't have to make a special trip to see me," Mac lied.

"With our schedules, you and I aren't running into each other at the office much these days. Since I was busy last night, I needed to come by so we could talk."

"Why don't you unpack the bag, and I'll go get some plates and forks?" Mac knew that she was retreating, but it was a strategic retreat. He was standing too close for her to think.

She came out of her kitchen with the items that she'd gone to retrieve, but it hadn't taken long enough. When he looked up from the take-out cartons, she knew that she needed more time. "I'm going to change. I'll be right back."

She spent ten minutes and twelve seconds in her room after she'd changed. She took a few deep breaths. Yes, she was ready to face him. She could do this. She could talk about the latest case that Sturgis had thrown at her as the reason why she'd wanted to talk to him last night. If Harm was his usual persistent self, she'd change the subject to Mattie. He loved talking about her and he'd be easily led into that conversation. Yes, she could get through this. She had a plan.

They ate in silence for a while because neither one of them was comfortable with starting the conversation. It was Harm who finally spoke.

"Mac, I hope you'll forgive me." Mac looked at him, unsure of why he needed her forgiveness. "I should have taken the time to talk to you last night. It isn't like we've been close enough lately for you to be dropping by for my legal advice on a case."

That had just blown one of her ideas for conversation. He wasn't going to buy that she'd wanted to talk to him about work.

"I shouldn't have asked if it could wait until today. I should've known that it was important because you were there to talk to me about it. I know that you've already had the appointment now and that I can't take you or be there for you, but I would like to know what happened."

How did he know that she'd had a doctor's appointment?

Of course, he didn't really know. He'd just assumed and, in this instance, he'd assumed correctly.

"I…I…I can't talk about it, Harm, not now."

His eyes were soft, and the sadness that they held was clear as he offered his apologies once again.

"I'm sorry that I let you down, Mac, that I wasn't there for you. I won't let it happen again."

"You can't let me interrupt a date, Harm. That's no way to start a relationship."

"Not being there for you is no way to treat my relationship with you…"

She cut him off. "We don't have a relationship, Harm."

"Yes we do. There are more than just romantic types of relationships, Mac."

The room fell silent again for a few long moments. It was Harm who eventually broke the silence.

"Do you know why I'm bad at relationships?"

"Because you don't like to let people in?" Mac made an educated guess.

"I suppose it might look that way from someone on the outside, but it isn't that I don't want to let people in. It's because I don't want to let just anyone in. I don't want a whole variety of relationships to juggle. I want a few close friends and one someone special to let into my heart."

Mac's breath caught in her throat. "So you and Alicia are serious?"

"No, I'm not talking about Alicia."

Mac relaxed a little. She hadn't wanted to hear that he was that far past her. She couldn't handle that news today. She realized that he was looking at her. When they'd been very close a couple of years ago, she'd sworn that he could just look into her eyes and see what she was feeling. That's the way he was looking at her now, and it made her uncomfortable.

"I'm finished with dinner. How about you?" she asked.

"Yeah, me, too."

Neither of them had eaten much. They'd just sort of moved the food around on their plates. Mac removed the plates and silverware from the table. Harm picked up the cartons and started to fold the tops over to close them. Mac returned and took away the closed cartons.

When Mac disappeared into the kitchen with the take-out containers, Harm knew that he was running out of time. She'd want him to leave soon, and he wasn't ready to go yet. He wanted to know how she'd label their relationship.

Harm sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands.

Mac came out of the kitchen and saw Harm sitting there, looking defeated. He'd pulled off a major coup with the Wainright case. Why would he be feeling down?

"Everything okay?" Mac asked as she moved to sit next to Harm. She hadn't thought about where she should sit. She'd just plopped down next to him in close enough proximity to comfort him if that's what he needed from her.

She was shocked when he sat up slightly, turned his head to look at her and wrapped one of his hands around hers. "I'm okay if you're okay. I don't want to push you, but you were ready to talk last night. Could you at least tell me what's changed between last night and now?"

"I'm not keeping a big secret from you, Harm. Last night, I came by to talk because I haven't been able to get much sleep." That sounded okay. It wasn't a lie. She'd just omitted that she hadn't gotten any sleep.

He gave her hand a squeeze. "That's why you didn't eat tonight. You're tired."

"Yes, I'm very tired."

"Do you what to talk about why you're not sleeping?"

"I just started to sort through what some of the potential causes are this afternoon. I don't think that I'm ready to talk about it yet."

"Okay, but I'll be ready when you are."

"I'll call first the next time to make sure that you aren't on a date. I'm really sorry about intruding last night."

Harm leaned back against her sofa cushions. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It was just dinner. You weren't intruding. In fact, she said that she asked you to come in. I wish you had. I'd have had a much better time."

"Not a good date?"

"It wasn't good...it wasn't bad. It just wasn't right. She's not that one special someone."

Mac sighed. Maybe she wasn't out of time yet. Alicia wasn't his special someone, and he was here with her tonight. She leaned back against her sofa cushions and tilted her head to rest it on his shoulder, her hand still in his.

They sat in silence for almost fifteen minutes before Mac spoke.

"You should probably head home so you can get some sleep. You've got court in the morning."

"I've got time. Besides, I came prepared for a long talk. I've got a clean uniform down in my car."

"So you can stay?" Mac blurted out. Where did that come from, she wondered, as fear gripped her gut, preparing for him to say no.

"I can if you want me to." He smiled at her. "I could make you a cup of warm milk. That should put you out like a light."

She didn't know why she was doing it, but it seemed right. "Sounds good. Why don't you go down and get your gear while I get ready for bed? I'm dying to try this sure fire cure for insomnia of yours."

Harm did as she requested and went down for his things. She'd left the door unlocked for him to get back in and, when he opened it, Mac was in her cowboy pajamas, waiting for him. She reached for his things. "There isn't really a good place to keep this stuff out here. I don't want you to be able to blame me for having a wrinkled uniform in court tomorrow. I'll take this stuff and put it in my room while you investigate the kitchen cabinets to see if you have what you need for your fabulous warm milk." The smile that appeared on her face was the first one that she'd offered anyone in the last few weeks that she truly felt from inside.

Using Grandma Rabb's recipe, Harm concocted the fool proof warm milk that he'd told Mac about and took it to her in the living room. After offering her the mug, he sat next to her on the sofa.

She took a sip of the hot liquid. It was more than just warmed milk, but she couldn't be sure what the other ingredient or ingredients were. "It's very good. Are you going to give me the recipe?"

"I got the recipe only after promising my grandmother never to tell anyone outside the family, so I can't give it out, but I can make it for you whenever you'd like."

"If it works and I keep suffering from this bout of insomnia, you might be spending a lot more time here."

"I don't have a problem with that," he replied with a grin.

Mac continued to sip her warm milk until it was gone. She put the mug down on her coffee table and found that she felt tired. She'd been suffering from fatigue for weeks now. The answer hadn't been as easy as warm milk all along, had it? She leaned her head against Harm's shoulder as she'd done earlier. No, it wasn't just the warm milk. It wasn't just the talk with Dr. McCool. It was warm milk and having Harm close by.

Harm lifted his arm and placed it around her shoulders. She leaned into him, and he settled his arm into place around her. She yawned.

Harm couldn't put a label on what he had with Mac. The closeness that they'd shared before was slowly being rebuilt. A night like tonight proved how far they'd come since his return to JAG. Once their friendship had been firmly reestablished, the door to another kind of relationships might open.

He tilted his head until his cheek rested on the top of Mac's head. The problem with putting labels on relationships is that it places limits on what two people can have together. If he told Alicia that Mac was his best friend, he'd be saying that he didn't have hope that there would ever be anything more. Maybe that's all that they'd ever be to each other, but he wasn't ready to label it that way yet. He had hope that their relationship was still growing, maturing into more than it had ever been before, and he wasn't going to put limits on where it could go, not with Mac, because she was his one special one, even if it wasn't in the cards that he was hers.

His mind calmed at this revelation. With the room quiet and his head clear, he heard a rhythm to Mac's breathing. He lifted his head and managed the awkward position it took to see her face. Her eyes were closed. She was asleep next to him. He resumed his previous position without waking her.

He should get some sleep. He had to be in court in the morning. A smile graced his face as Mac moved the palm of her hand up over his heart in her sleep. Dating wasn't all it was cracked up to be, he thought as he closed his eyes. He'd gotten his answer without really asking. It wasn't time to give up on Mac yet. He still had a chance with the one he wanted.


End file.
